January - March, 2003

Caregivers need care too, and St. John's has found a way

Many adults find themselves becoming primary caregivers for parents or spouses who are aging or have long-term illnesses. While caregivers are still trying to juggle the stressors of every day life, whether it be raising children or holding down a job, or both, the added stress of taking care of an individual can be overwhelming. Sometimes, caregivers forget the importance of taking care of him/herself.
Joan Jones, a mother of three and grandmother of two, knows the kind of stress placed on a caregiver. On Oct. 26, 1998, Joan accompanied her husband, Ron, to the doctor to seek treatment for his severe headaches. That day, Ron was diagnosed with brain cancer, and Joan says her life completely changed.
“I was a stay-at-home mom, and my role went from taking care of my children to taking care of my husband,” Joan says. “We have had a role reversal. I have taken on all of the major things such as keeping everything straight with all of the doctors and the house. He has always been good with math, but after he went into rehab he couldn’t add two plus two, so we had to start from scratch. He now calls the calculator his brain, and he still balances the checkbook and pays the bills, but now we do it together.”
Joan says Ron’s four years of survival have been tremendous, but every day is a new day for him.
“Ron has a lot of memory loss, and we never know what he is going to remember. At first it was utter chaos. I felt like he was gone. The husband I knew was gone and now I take care of this other man and see a glimpse of my husband now and then. It’s hard, very hard.”
Joan agrees that there are a lot of underlying issues that create a stressful environment for caregivers, from being concerned and worried to experiencing feelings of helplessness and sometimes resentment.
St. John’s Behavioral Health Clinic Manager Patti Hamlet says it is important that caregivers seize opportunities to socialize via support groups to work through their emotions.
“A lot of emotional dynamics are tied with becoming a caregiver, including resentment that they now feel they don’t have a life, that they are constantly trying to meet the needs of the others; exhaustion from the never ending responsibilities of 24-hour care; sadness over the change in the caregiver’s role toward the recipient in contrast to what that role has been in the past such as mother/daughter or husband/wife; frustration at not having any personal time for relaxation, hobbies, socialization or time to get away; helplessness that they can’t change the situation by making it better; anger that they don’t feel that they are appreciated and the feeling of being taken for granted; and probably the biggest one is guilt over all of the other dynamics that they are feeling,” Hamlet says.
She adds that all of these stressors can manifest themselves in many ways such as sleeplessness, inexplicable aches and pains, irritability, tearfulness, tiredness and changes in eating and sleeping routines.
“When the caregiver is taking care of themselves emotionally and physically, he or she and the patient will both have a better quality of life and quality of care,” Hamlet says.
St. John’s meets caregivers’ needs with programs and classes such as Tai Chi Chih to support groups and massage therapy. Support groups remind people to look at what their strengths are and what gives them quality of life.
St. John’s social worker and Tai Chi Chih instructor Connie Zimmerman says massage therapy is important for people who have not had personal touch due to isolation and change in relationships. Human touch is important, appropriate and supportive, Zimmerman says, especially for caregivers.
Joan realizes the importance of leaving her home environment, even if it is just for a short amount of time to practice Tai Chi Chih at the St. John’s Mid-America Cancer Center.
“I am home with (Ron) all day. He doesn’t think that I am under a lot of stress because he thinks I am doing the same thing I have always done, but when I know there is an MRI or a doctor’s appointment coming up, I get worried and stressed. There are a lot of other emotional factors involved,” she says. “When I am at Tai Chi Chih, I escape with no interruptions. I think I would go crazy if I didn’t have that hour to myself. I can concentrate on what I’m doing there, and although the thoughts and worries about him are never completely gone, it does relieve a lot of the stress.”
Zimmerman says it’s important to educate and remind caregivers that they must also care for themselves, emotionally and physically.
“We need to have healthy caregivers, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually as well, so they can continue to provide that care that they desire to give and share with their loved one,” she says. “Tai Chi Chih is a nice way to be around people who are positive and have all sorts of challenges. Tai Chi Chih is very slow, fluid body movements that allow the caregiver to focus on his/her body. It helps slow thoughts down, quiet the mind, and learn how balance is connected with the body. If the caregiver is focusing on those things he/she can shut out all of the demands and stress of changing roles and health concerns.”
Zimmerman adds her Tai Chi Chih classes are diverse and everyone participates according to his or her own ability, which creates an environment of fun and fellowship.
For more information or to register for the class, call Connie Zimmerman at 417-885-2525. Zimmerman also facilitates a Caregivers’ Support Group at 5:30 p.m. on the fourth Monday of each month at St. John’s Mid-America Cancer Center.


Time saving tips and hints

Five minutes here, 10 minutes there. It all adds up, and before you know it, you’re out half an hour or more. The good news, though, is that there are so many ways to get that time back for yourself, from around-the-house tasks to everyday life chores.

AROUND THE HOUSE
• Stock a set of cleaning supplies in a caddy on each floor of your home.
• Keep kitchen garbage-can liners in the bottom of the garbage pail.
• Use kitchen scissors. There’s nothing better for chopping herbs, cutting up poultry and “slicing” pizza.
• Never make another bed. Use fitted sheets and a duvet with a washable cover.
• Keep cleaning wipes in every bathroom.
• Store remote controls in a single basket.
• Hang towels on hooks instead of towel bars.
• Run the dishwasher at night. The next morning, use the breakfast dishes right out of the dishwasher.

LIFE CHORES
• Pay bills in one sitting. Even if you don’t mail them all right away, you can mark the due date on the envelope and cover it later with the stamp.
• Book the first appointment of the day with doctors, dentists and such. And always book future appointments before you leave the office.
• Buy stamps online (www.usps.com), and buy plenty of them. You know you’ll always need more, and they’re not going to get any cheaper.
• Open mail over the recycling bin or a paper shredder.
• Leave telephone messages that don’t require a response. Be very specific about what you need and when.
• Assemble a just-the basics household kit. Keep it stocked with spare batteries, a measuring tape, light bulbs, duct tape, batteries and such.